in a funk

The last few days I've been in this funk. I just don't really want to do anything... or see anyone. But i know i can't isolate, so i try to go out and do things and I just get terrible anxiety when i do. I don't know why i'm feeling like this. But, i'm trying as best as i can to bounce back. The last 2 days I've sat at home eating, watching netflix, more eating, checking snapchat and facebook, and sleeping. Literally, i just looked over to the right and there's a bag of Taki's, a box of Cheez-Its, 2 soda bottles, 3 bottles of water, 3 empty arizona cans, and a bag of Starburst minis, that's how lazy i'm being. Isolating is bad for me and i know that but you know, everyone just has those days, the days where they just for some reason cannot get out of bed. It happens, as much as i don't want it to. All i can do is do my very best to pull myself out of it. I don't want to rely on someone else getting me out of it because i know that i have to only rely on myself. I once heard someone say; "there is no such thing as a bad day, some, are just better than others." That makes you think a little bit. I should be grateful just to wake up, i should think "I GET to do this" instead of "i HAVE to do this". Every day, every breath, every minute is a blessing. And that's the crazy thing, sometimes i truly feel that way and other days i have to remind myself of those days where i do feel that way and just push myself to have more of those days. But, i'll admit, some days just don't feel like they are worth it. Yesterday, i was in one of those "i hate everyone and everyone hates me" moods, and i got into arguments i shouldn't have gotten into. I realized that maybe i shouldn't speak to people i truly love very often when i'm having times like these. I use to write myself affirmations when i got down. Things like...

• you are beautiful
• you are smart
• you are funny
• you are worthy of love
• you are worthy of happiness
• you deserve the world
• you are caring
• you are kind
• you can do anything
• you are giving
• you are bright
• you are a good friend
• you are talented
• you are fucking amazing

I'd write affirmations like these down when i got anxiety or when i was just struggling and I'd read them back to myself over and over again. I remember a friend told me about this awhile back, he told me it sounded crazy but it really worked and so i did it, and he wasn't lying. This has been one of my biggest copping tools. I also meditate, i do guided meditations every night before bed. I can link some of my favorite meditations if you guys would like, just comment. But, this tool helps me a lot. Sometimes i have a hard time going to sleep or falling asleep because my mind races all night long and this really helps me relax and remove the negative thoughts. I'd highly recommend it. I also, just write sometimes. That's why i created this blog. Writing this blog is also helping me, that's why i hope to help others. I figure, if putting words down to help myself express how i feel and help me heal then why not share my words with others so that maybe, it's not just me who's finding help and healing through these words.